Because she loves him?

You look good with specs (seems he didn’t even take a bath)
(Saying that she settled herself opposite to him)
He: “Thanks”
Ahm ._.
He: “You want anything”
No. I had my breakfast.
He: “I woke up late, I’m hungry. Will you  have ice-cream ?”
He: “One cheese sandwich and one chocolate ice-cream”
No. I’ll have a Vadilal King Cone. See there is a misprint in your menu, its Cone and not….
He: “C’mon. Bhaiya one cheese sandwich and one Vadilal King cone
He:”What? It doesn’t matter. By the way, you look gorgeous”
Thanks. So you going tomorrow?
He:”Yeah. Now don’t make faces, okay. I am quite hungry”
(Who eats like that). When will you be back
He:”After a week or so”
(Say something, I can’t keep mum) . Hmmm……..UUMMMMM we  are supposed to be friends, this was a friendly meeting, this is wrongmmmmmmmmhhh
And slowly she melted in his arms. Not so planned, not so expected and not so good, her first kiss.
He knelt down and proposed her saying he was stupid to let her go, the first time.


On her way back home, she kept thinking about the events at the restaurant. Does the nose really come in between while kissing? It might be because he had a big nose. Or because she was a terrible kisser as he said. Only then she realized how awkward it was, how she didn’t know how to kiss. Suddenly, she got a text saying we gotta practice kissing a lot 😉 Oh God! She loves him so much.

She was not cool, practical, smart, mirror cracking material. She was an ordinary girl with extraordinarily big misconceptions about herself and the world. One month ago they dated for a week, later he dumped her saying he couldn’t get over his past after listening to her alok nathian thoughts. He was this good-looking, smart, broad minded guy for whom looks didn’t matter, as obviously, he wasn’t interested in looks.
You see broad-minded.

She was disheartened. It came as complete shock to her. Someone rejected her after dating her for a week. Was she so bad? She didn’t know what was hurting her more, the rejection or he going away? Whatever it was, it messed up her whole system and she ended up desperately trying to have him back in her life which only brought failure. She tried every means but nothing worked. And she was too naive to understand what will work.

But she couldn’t resist talking to him. So one day she hesitantly asked for his friendship, and to her utter surprise, he agreed. Only the thought of being in contact with him made her happy. Yes, she loves him.

Now they were together again, but were they really together? She knew he was kind of self-obsessed person, demanding all the attention in the world, so as a friend she just stopped feeding his attention seeking demon. A movie trick. Smart move..huh? Little did she know that love is not a game for moves.
But it worked and see now he was on his knees before her. She somewhere felt that he was telling a lie, he was making up for the mess he created by dumping her.Her instincts kept on telling her that all that was one big bluff, she has just made herself his next target. But that didn’t bother. It was the one beautiful lie, she’ll give her whole life for. She thought she’ll make him, love her. Just filmy thingy. Little did she know that you can’t make someone fall for you.


He:”I’m sorry, I’m late. Dad had some work. I even thought of cancelling the date but then I thought you’ll be annoyed.” ( adjusting himself in the chair next to her)
Yeah. Its okay. Now I’m used to waiting
He:”Just like me, you too have kept me on wait”
I? When
He:”You know whats my weak point and you are not letting me have you”
Bu..but you know..(she blushed) Its wrong.
He:”Oh come on, two people who are in love with each other, give their everything.”
(she said nothing)
He:”Look, I want to make love to you. I love you. Dont you?”
I do. You know that.
He:”Then whats the big deal”

Yes. It wasn’t wrong, both were mature and hence can take their own decision. But she wasn’t comfortable. She knew she wasn’t making out with someone who loves her, but with someone, she wanted to love her back. Her intimacy was not driven by love but by greed. She always talked about “making love” but she turned it prostitutional. It was one big task she was doing to make her love stay. Little did she know, you can’t make people stay in your life.

She had the feeling that something was wrong and somewhere she knew what was wrong. But she pretended as everything was good. As if she is unaware of the storm building inside her. She somewhere knew he was just tricking her into this but she was too scared to admit that. She had started loving the bubble, she was living in.She was always a weak and confused soul. She knew she was doing something she was going to regret forever still she let that happen. But why was she doing so? Because she knew he doesn’t love him. Because she knew he was going to leave her. Because she was too weak to face rejection. Because she wanted to hit on his guilty conscience. Because she has no guts to take responsibility for her own mistakes. To make him see that she loves him. Yes, she loves him.

She was Different !!!!!

A small square dull dusky face showing no signs of happiness or sorrow; nervousness or excitement, big brown eyes with no wonder or curiosity, with no spark of affection or innocence, lips that hardly ever formed a curve as if they know the root cause of pain is happiness, poorly developed muscles covered with thin single layer of epithelium, nerves and bones trying to peep out as if she hasn’t eaten in ages and that too when she comes from a very rich family. She was different.

I always thought girls at a young age only think about new clothes, matching hairbands, having the newest sketch pen set,  using the fruity sketch pen in every drawing, pink strawberry scented eraser, dolls, the kitchen set they saw at a friend’s place, days left to their birthday, which friend to take while distributing toffee’s and questioning every new thing they saw or heard from someone. But, She was different.

At the age of 12 she couldn’t even read or write simple three-letter words but she was excellent in cheating and lying. It wasn’t like she was a rich spoiled kid, more like she is actually dumb. And not only dumb, her class fellows even considered her deaf as they felt she never listens to anyone. She was punished daily and still no improvement. Teachers were so frustrated with her that they don’t even mind beating a small kid with sticks and she was so used to these that she didn’t mind them. Instead it was a part of her daily routine. She wasn’t the sincere, studious, garrulous, punishment-fearing girl, She was different.

Not every girl is born to such loving parents, who have given birth to six daughters just for a son.
Not every girl is given food just to make her live.
Not every girl learns to make perfect roti before mastering “A”.
Not every girl is sent to school just to accompany her brother.
Not every girl is beaten brutally if found with books.
Not every girl realises, at her tender, that she is a burden to her parents.


Justice at it’s Best..

She didn’t know that she is a widow now or that she was married. Well, when I was her age I couldn’t even spell marriage. But being a widow was quite comforting, according to her.

No heavy 6m long sari, covering her 3ft long body obstructing her walk.
No jewelry-bedecked on her body, obstructing her movements.
No vermilion messing up her silky black hair. No need to learn different cuisines as there is no one to impress.
No need to stay hungry for the long life of her so called partner who parted away leaving her alone.

When she turned 11, she was sent to her in-laws’ home to spend the rest of her life, with them. Everyone there gave her a warm welcome, no hard corners and taunting. Her mother-in-law took her as a replacement for her 5th son.

As years passed by, she grew up. Puberty did a magic on her. She blossomed in the love and affection she got. But growing up had its own side-effects. She started questioning everything. The usual calm and composed girl started turning into a rebel or should I say, the trammels and torments turned her into so. The white rags, the bland food, tied hairs, and staying home all day long was not comforting now. The prohibition to visit religious ceremonies and places annoyed her. The laugh and giggle of girls of her age burned her inside.

And amidst this mess, she got attracted to her elder brother-in-law. She knew her feelings towards him were illegitimate, not only she was married but he was married too. But there was no one to guide her. Whatever she asked for was denied, so she didn’t even dare to ask this. He sensed her feelings for him. And instead of showing her the correct path, he started playing with her mind. He started alluring her. The teenage with hormonal imbalance, confused and frustrated mind, and misguidance eventually led to the biggest mistake of her life. She confused attraction for love and surrendered herself. He started using her for his pleasure. After two-three abortions she also came to know that he doesn’t love her. But it was too late to mend things.

Slowly, the news spread. And they punished the culprit. She was raped by all the brothers. According to them she was one desperate woman to call all this on her. She hadn’t even recovered from the heartbreak and this happened. She was broken. Her heart wrenched. Her soul cried for mercy. But no one heard her plea. No one came to her rescue. After that day, she became a public property, used by people as and when required. She was turned into a whore.

But, as we say, “In God’s home there is a delay but no denial.” When this news reached the panchayat, they were shocked. They can’t believe it all happened under their nose. They came forward to provide justice. And yes, they granted her justice. No one used her from then onwards. No one talked ill about her. No one ever saw her lustfully. She was no more considered a pollutant contaminating the whole sea.

She was given poison.!!

The Newbie

A cold winter morning. Deep red rising sun.Gelid drops of dew on green turfs, beautiful as pearls. Clear and blue sky. Foggy misty atmosphere spreading its charm all around.

Lazy season, lazy people snuggled up in warm blankets. Closed Gates. Abandoned Streets. No or very less movement..

Amidst these, there they are, lying in the corner, basking in the mild warmth of the sun, pleading it to stay for more time and warm up their body.A cool wind blows and rejects their plea.

This is the season they choose, to multiply, to increase their numbers, to mark their presence in the future of the planet. One can see small puppies walking behind their parents, sometimes following a random trespasser in the hope of getting food. Only to be shoo’ed away later, with a feeling of disgust.

I see them searching the bins, for food. Poking their nose into packets to find something. Little do they know that the growing awareness about community hygiene, waste disposal, shortage of food for the ever growing population had left them shelterless/homeless and with no food..
A pup entered a corner house thinking his pleading eyes will make people give him food. Ha! He is no cow, giving him food will not give them a golden ticket to heaven. After the kids were entertained, he was kicked away
A fragile body, weak bones surrounded no layer of fat, was making it impossible to bear the chilly winds but he was a tough guy. He hadn’t given up on life.

His mother was wandering in the search of food on the main road and suddenly she saw her kind passing by in a luxurious car, excited she followed the car, not acknowledging that she was on the main road. When people are squelched on footpaths then who cares about her on the roads. An overspeeding  vehicle drove over her, crushing her hind limbs. She shrieked out of pain and tried to drag herself away from the road only to be hit by another vehicle.

She died.

Next day people found two dead bodies. One of her and second of her puppy. He finally gave up on life.

Born to be Married

He was in front of her. He had travelled all those kilometres just to meet her, to have a couple of words with her.

But she hesitated. She stood there, surrounded by all her relatives.
She didn’t raise her eyelids to look at him. Her lips moved but she lost the sense to frame sentences.
She stood there frozen and numb.

It was their first and only meeting before marriage. But there was no excitement on her face. Just calm, serene, sadist calm. Or in the words of her friends “Yaar, isse to apni shaadi ka craze hi nahi hai” (she isn’t even excited for her own marriage)

She sat there in the centre of the hall, head low, cheek red, pupils marching left to right, lips trembling. She was quaking in her boots. She just wanted all that to end soon.

After dinner, they went. Everything went well. Her parents were happy.But she had that sick feeling at the bottom of her stomach. She couldn’t make out “Why”. Was that because she was getting married or the person she was getting married to.

He was below average guy, no sharp features, dark complexion but a good job.
He was 7 years elder to her, and his specs made him look even older but he was from  a good family
She couldn’t say much about his nature in a single meeting but he had a good background.

It wasn’t like she couldn’t say NO to him. Even that guy sensed that she wasn’t happy with the marriage thing/he doesn’t deserve her and hence had asked her multiple times whether she likes him or not, whether she is happy about the marriage..whether she is being
pressurized..whether.. whether..
She didn’t utter a word.

‘Cause she remembered what happened the last time when she said no to a proposal, thinking its her life, thinking its her decision,
thinking she had the right, thinking it will hardly matter.
She remembered how she was forced to quit her job and stay  home as according to her relatives she has fallen in bad company.
She remembered how her parents have fought over this issue millions of time.
She remembered how her mother was taunted on every occasion for not being able to find a groom for her.
She remembered how her mother begged every distant relative to find a groom for her.

She remembered how her father cursed himself for being a father of a girl.

She remembered how her mother has not slept peacefully since then.

She remembered how every family member was worried.
And she realised she was born to married.

Punished for life

She was married at an age when;

She thought females in saree were her aunt,

When aam-panna was everything she wants.

When getting 2paise as reward was the moment of proud

And things were cheerful and loud.

Getting a hand-woven doll was her greatest desire

She was a cute cuddly liar.

She was married when she didn’t even know what marriage is, and
That loneliness is going to turn out to be her greatest bliss.

She was married at thirteen, to a guy probably 10 years elder to her. Why?
Because her father thought it was once in a lifetime opportunity to get a well-settled guy like him, as  groom and that too at a very low cost.

A farmer and father of 5 kids  wasn’t able to arrange that low-cost wedding properly hence was punished. He was not allowed to meet his daughter ever. But to his relief, his daughter was accepted in the boy’s family. Such relief.

An immature age and hurried circumstance left her clueless about her surroundings. All she can make out was “she is going to a new home, new family but without her mother. She won’t  accompany her there like she used to do while going to school. Will she be allowed to go to school there, she asked her mum, in a low voice. Her mum looked at her, sobbed fat tears and bade her goodbye.

The new home, new family rather than welcoming her were mourning over the money they can’t get. Mourning because they thought that the bride will be bedecked in gold, mourning because they thought they got a golden hen. Mourning. Disappointed.
Few even considered remarriage of the groom. But groom answered them with a plain “NO”
Hence they had to accept her in the family.

As time passed by she got settled there, she adorned every relation, she made everyone hers. She became the part of the family.
It took time but she stopped being scared of her husband, she learned that he owns her, she accepted that a “husband-wife” relationship is meant to be that way only. Her will doesn’t exists.

Two years later she gave birth to a stillborn and doctors declared she can never be a mother again.

Mere bhaiya aaye hain (My Brother has come)

Sixth sense or the sub-conscious mind whatever you say,she suddenly woke up from her peaceful sleep to face the bitter reality. He was lying next to her and before she could react he closed her mouth. She is probably 9 or 10 years old , too young to understand what was going on and He, her cousin, in his late teens, too young to be that cruel.

He started moving his hand all over her body, touching her everywhere, making her cerebral cells register lust, define greed in new terms.She turned pale and terror got imprinted in her eyes. She shivered. Her brain sending cold chills down her spine. Her mind jammed with all sort of questions popping up. She actually couldn’t understand “how to respond” “how to defend” “how to protect herself”, at her tender age she was too naive to realize that she need to protect herself.

A loud bang outside made him conscious and she was spared that night. For a few minutes, she lied there, all blank wondering what happened what was real or just a weird nightmare. But soon she realized even her nightmares are not this cruel. He has came to stay with her family during his winter vacations. She has met him for the first time in her knowledge and was very happy to have a BROTHER. There was no one in her society who wasn’t told “Mere bhaiya aaye hain” (My brother has come). Though being a shy kid, she didn’t started interacting with him.

She was JUST A KID. Never had heard or seen anything like this. Her brain had no clue what to do in such situations. It explored even the remote corners but nothing useful it came up with. She lied there STILL, figuring out answers to her questions, “What was that?” “Why bhaiya touching me?” ” Why it felt so gross?” “Why am I feeling this awkward” “What am I supposed to do now” “Should I tell mom?” “What would I tell her??..” All the why’s and whats kept revolving in her mind. She kept feeling disgusting but couldn’t make up the courage to talk about this to her mom. At last She decided that she’ll stay away from BHAIYA, no interactions, nothing at all.
After that night she kept herself clinged to her mother. Not leaving her side even for a moment. But that night kept haunting her. She couldn’t actually sleep after that.

One day when She came back home after school, she found Mom was not at home. She was terror struck. Not making a sound she headed back thinking she would stay at neighbor’s place till her mother comes back. Suddenly, he held her hand. She busted out crying. He held her hand more firmly and locked the door. She tried all possible means, she cried loud, screamed at the top of her voice, kicked him with legs, pleaded him to leave her alone..but it didn’t affected him. “Bhaiya, meko janna hai” (I need to leave, brother) didn’t wrenched his heart. The home that was once filled with her sweet squeals, was now filled with her painful screams.